Of Gladiators And Bare Torso's.

Sport. That one word that could potentially get several million mind's off sex. That one word that, if you are accomplished at, could get you fame enough to never have to worry about when you'll next have sex. What is it in sport that causes severe lack of judgement in people? Insult my family if you like, but broach the subject of the flaws of the club I support, and I'll make your face look like the inside of a Masala Dosa. So that means sport runs in our blood, as deep as family. Long Ago, people flocked to stadiums to see gladiators fight to the death. Though sport now isn't quite as exciting, one thing is yet unchanged, the fanaticism of the fans. They still growl, hoot, cheer, shout abuse, jeer, fight opposition fans with as much passion as their ancestors. The only new form of support has arisen with capitalism- buying merchandise. It's pretty ridiculous if you think of it. I mean, we never had fans buying Hercules Underwear to support their favourite gladiator, but such is sport. It only shows that sport is right up there with Hookers, on things we will mindlessly spend our money on.
             Another proof that we are unnervingly passionate about sport is this knee jerk reaction to a major result that's gone your team's way.Wondering what to do when you- Score goal that wins your team the league in the last minute; Chase down 323 in a final after being down and out; Your team wins Champions league after having worst league season in 10 years? Don't worry. There's one show for all that joy about to be vented. Its simple- Take off your shirt. Why do people take off their shirt? Romans couldn't have swung their toga's like catapaults in fear that the man next to them would have a greater rumble in their man jungle. So where in the timeline of the fan/player can we put a bubble that says," Today, for the first time a shirt was removed. This rather pointless show of elation shall become a sign of beating the odds and triumphing." Because that day was definitely one for the record books.
              Nowadays, newspapers publish really silly studies that scientist who clearly have a lot of free time perform. Which self respecting scientist studies what side effects not cutting your toenails has? Instead, why not check in sport has become ingrained in our DNA. Because a bloody fist fight after your teams loss just doesn't seem justified. All said and done, sport just quite wouldn't be the same without those people who ask the score at a funeral. So evidently, my life has some purpose. And for that fantastic realisation, I shall celebrate by taking off my shirt.

A Brief History Of An Over Thought.

There are many things that are meant to be learned the hard way- Cooking, the feel of another man's fist on your eye, the fact that you dance like Bappi Lahiri Sitting on Adnan Sami wearing skates or that shoving your finger inside a socket will NOT give you hair like Goku. But there is only so much one can learn the hard way. Common Sense is really a luxury, one that allows us to learn certain things without the fun of being wrong. For example, advice shouted at the screen in a movie will not be heeded. Or expecting Airport Security to see the funny side of you pretending you have enough cocaine to make the queen lose her manners up your arse. But, of course, where's the fun if you aren't wrong? Is thinking and theorizing and playing out endless possibilities in our head really advantageous? The first man to see fire, didn't think, " Hold on. What is this thing? Can it kill me? Will it eat me? Will it feed on my dark side and grow? Will it make me like Darth Vader?" Though the last thought flashing through his mind along with the rest of his life is a distinct possibility, he went ahead and touched it. And got burnt. Now, history is a bit dubious as to whether or not he died, but it is very probable that he did. And his dying screams of agony alerted others, who ignored his anguished cries, hypnotized by this powerful glowing object. But, I digress.
              So, how many people are left on this earth, who are controlled by impulse and NOT called dumb? Not many. Due to advancements in the field of imagination, (a double edged sword for all those single, lonely men with their right hand as their only friend.) we have taken quite a few creative liberties as to the possible effects of the choices we make. Kids, like me, who spent far too much time in front of the television, will know of a certain character known as Dee Dee, the dim-witted, ballerina sister of Dexter, star of Dexter's Laboratory. She is my role Model. Her catch phrase, " What does this Button Do? " has struck a chord with me. Her simple mindedness sometimes exposed the shortcomings of Dexter's laboratory. Does that mean we should let irritating kids lose in all top secret Government facilities? Hmm....
             Another budding science that has caused the stunting of people's 'Dee-Dee instinct' as I like to call it, is the noble art of embarrassing someone. Wet Willies, Wedgies, Insulting one's manhood, a baffling set of insults that begin with 'Yo Momma'. All these make up the fantasy of the urban, punk-bully. People are so afraid of embarrassment that they are discouraged from doing things without first playing out the various scenarios on their Barbie, Lego and even Hot wheels. You have to lose something to gain something. Look at me, I lost another of my treasured Childhood heroes, Chacha Chaudhary. his brain works faster than a computer. Which means he can play out the various scenario's in his head while unzipping his pants at the urinal. No man has ever utilized those few seconds better. But with my need to get stupid and impulsive, I began to wonder, was Chacha Chaudhary's brain a boon or bane? And with that, a hero was lost to me.
                I'm not saying be stupid and buy a mansion when your underwear is stuffed with bills. But sometimes, let your curiosity get the better of you. Live in the moment, not anywhere else. And now I see an orange button on the top of my screen that says, "PUBLISH", and I wonder, " Hey, what does THIS button do?"